What people say, and what they don’t

A wise young friend once told me, ‘It’s very important to pay attention to what people say, and what they don’t. When they don’t say anything, it can mean more than when they do.’  It was advice I badly needed. Advice I have genuinely tried to take and apply. Ultimately, advice I have often followed when it didn’t apply, and ignored when it probably did.

I am typically happy to take the hit when it will make things more comfy, or easy, for someone else. At least, I take great pride in thinking of myself that way. If there is blame to be laid, I’ll take it. If things aren’t as they should be, I can believe I did, or didn’t, do something to cause it.

I don’t like my business broadcast or debated, and I find it much easier to back away from situations where I get the feeling I am making people uncomfortable.

Somehow I manage to be a loudmouthed opinionated introvert who despises confrontation. An insecure guy who connects with people too easily and quickly, finds it easier to walk away from relationships than face the music the relationships, or people in them, deserve. And never let go of the guilt of leaving or the feelings for the friends I’ll probably never speak to again.

Quite the study in contradictions. Probably safe to assume that opinions expressed in these posts are in NO WAY obligated to maintain any form of consistency or relation to one another. In fact, I’d count on substantial contradictions in the same post at times. But I digress…

Is there a point to all this? Let’s all hope it isn’t just to trick you into participating in my emo rant!

The point is, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the things said that I ignored. I’m sorry for the things not said that I didn’t hear. I’m sorry I haven’t lived up to my own image of myself. I’m sorry I haven’t been the friend you deserved.

The truth is, I’m not nearly as smart or insightful as you give me credit for, and I’m not as clever or selfless as I think myself.

But, I am still listening. I’m still learning. And, lets face it, I can only get better!

You may now return to your previously scheduled, emo free, winter.


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